• Willow : But... now? Doesn't winter seem more like archiving season?



• Willow : Now that I know there's something to know, I can't not know, just because I'm afraid somebody will know I know. You know?



• Willow : Xand... what if somebody had a secret, and that somebody promised somebody else that they wouldn't tell anyone.
  Xander : News flash, Will. Everybody knows.
  Willow : No, this isn't about me and Tara.



• Spike : Dracula? Poncy bugger owes me eleven pounds, for one thing.



• Giles : Oh, good show Giles. At least you didn't get knocked out for a change.



• Xander : Where is he? Where's the creep that turned me into a spider eating man bitch?



• Xander : As of this moment, it's over. I'm finished being everybody's butt monkey!

• Dawn : Yeah, Mom. I'm not going to Hogwarts. Hog... (Buffy's not amused) Jeez, crack a book sometime.



• Riley : Besides, "I'm here to violate your firstborn" never goes over with parents. I'm not sure why.



• Buffy :Giles, are you breaking up with your car?



• Willow : It's Giles! It's 'cause he's British and doesn't understand about stuff.



• Anya : Ooh, I'm so pleased! Can I trade in the children for more cash?



• Buffy : Harmony, when you tried to be head cheerleader, you were bad. When you tried to chair the homecoming committee, you were really bad. But when you try to be bad, you suck.



• Buffy : How bored were you last year?
  Giles : I watched Passions with Spike. Let us never speak of it.

• Buffy : He called you a toth. It's a British expression, it means, like, moron.
  Giles : No. Toth is the name of the demon.



• Xander : But I never help. I get in trouble and Buffy saves me.
  Willow : That's not true! Sometimes we all help to save you.



• Anya : And a boat. No, wait, I don't mean a boat. I mean a puppy, or a child. I have a list somewhere.



• Anya : Yes there is. There's a hurry, Xander. I'm dying... I may have as few as fifty years left.



• Giles : I said, "Oh, dear Lord."
  Buffy : You always say that.



• Anya : Well, maybe we shouldn't do this reintegration thing right away. See, I can take the boys home and we can all have sex together, and, you know, just slap 'em back together in the morning.

• Spike : And I should do what with my spare time? Sit at home knitting cunning sweater sets?



• Buffy : Spike, I just saw you taste your own nose blood.



• Buffy : You're like my fairy godmother, and Santa Claus, and Q all wrapped up into one. Q from Bond, not Star Trek.



• Spike : Oh, Pacey! You blind idiot. Can't you see she doesn't love you?



• Spike : Taking up smoking, are you?
  Harmony : I am a villain, Spike. Hello!



• Spike : Buffy, Buffy, Buffy! Everywhere I turn she's there. That nasty little face. That fancy shampoo commercial hair. That whole sodding holier-than-thou attitude.



• Graham : You used to have a mission. Now you're what: Mission's Boyfriend? Mission's True Love?

• Buffy : I think we should get a second opinion.
  Joyce : Well, we need a first opinion first, honey.



• Giles : It appears to be paranormal in origin.
  Buffy : How can you tell?
  Giles : Well, it's so shiny.



• Xander : Anya, the Shopkeepers of America called. They wanted me to tell you that "Please go" just got replaced with "Have a nice day."



• Willow : Does this look right to you?
  Anya : Sure. If you wrapped it with your feet.



• Spike : Oh, yeah, okay. Let me guess — you won't kill me? Ooh! The whole crowd-pleasing threats and swagger routine. Outstandingly original. You know, I'm just passing through. Satisfied? You know, I really hope so, because God knows you need some satisfaction in life besides shagging Captain Cardboard! And I never really liked you anyway. And you have stupid hair!

• Anya : Thank you for coming. We value your patronage. Please come again for more purchases!



• Giles : Yes. Well, why don't you start organizing the shipping orders.
  Anya : Oh, no, that's boring. I just want to do the money parts.



• Buffy (describing Glory) : She was kind of like Cordelia actually. I'm pretty sure she dyes her hair.



• (talking about Tara)
  Xander : I don't necessarily get her... but she's real nice.
  Buffy : Yeah. There's just that thing.
  Xander : That thing.
  Buffy : That thing of not understanding—
  Xander : Half of what she says?
  Buffy : As for example. But she's super nice.
  Xander : You betcha!



• Giles : You're in a magic shop, and you can't think what Tara would like. I do believe you're both profoundly stupid.



• Glory : You have the cutest little suppurating sores! Has anyone ever told you that?

• Buffy : Did you smell this bad when you were alive?



• Buffy : Look, I realize that every Slayer comes with an expiration mark on the package. But, I want mine to be a long time from now. Like a Cheeto.



• Giles : Yes well the uh... the problem is that after a final battle, it uh... it's difficult to get any um... well the-the-the Slayer's not... she's rather um—
  Buffy : It's okay to use the "D" word, Giles.
  Giles : Dead. And hence not very forthcoming.



• Spike : Death is your art. You make it with your hands day after day. That final gasp, that look of peace. And part of you is desperate to know: What's it like? Where does it lead you? And now you see, that's the secret. Not the punch you didn't throw or the kicks you didn't land. She really wanted it. Every Slayer has a death wish. Even you.



• Spike : "Beneath me." I'll show her. Six bloody feet beneath me. Hasn't got a death wish? Bitch won't need one.

• Xander : Am I right, Giles?
  Giles : I'm almost certain you're not, but to be fair, I wasn't listening.



• Anya : I mean, I for one didn't want to start my day with a slaughter. Which, really, just goes to show how much I've grown!



• Xander : This has been fruitful. Trying to look up something you never saw and don't know the name of.



• Riley : What are you doing in here?
  Spike : What, me? I was um ... uh ... what are you doing here?
  Riley : Looking for the girl who's gonna rip your arms off when she finds out you were in her bedroom.
  Spike : Oh yeah? Well ... me too.
  Riley : Were you ... were you just smelling her sweater?
  Spike : No. Well, yeah, all right, I did. It's a... predator thing, nothin' wrong with it. Just ... know your enemy's scent, whet the appetite for a hunt. (He sniffs the sweater) Ah, that's the stuff! Slayer musk, it's bitter and aggravating!



• Spike : Look, I know for a bleeding fact the Slayer wouldn't mind me being here.
  Riley : Right, what's a little sweater sniffing between sworn enemies?



• Spike : Oh yeah, right. Takes one to know, I suppose. Least I still got the attitude. What do you got, a piercing glance? Face it, white bread. Buffy's got a type, and you're not it. She likes us dangerous, rough, occasionally bumpy in the forehead region. Not that she doesn't like you ... but sorry Charlie, you're just not dark enough.

• Dawn : There's a girl at school told me that gelatin is made from ground-up cow's feet, and that if you eat Jell-O, there's some cow out there limping with no feet. But, I told her I'm sure they kill 'em before they take off their feet. Right?
  Buffy (to Joyce): You're the one who insisted on teaching her to talk.



• Willow : Oh, I feel just like Santa Claus... except thinner, and younger, and... female. And, well... Jewish.



• Buffy (about Dawn) : You got her a book on spells? The girl who can break things by just looking at them, now has a book to teach her to... break things by lookin' at 'em?



• Riley : That might be toxic, don't touch it.
  Xander : Oh yeah, touching it was my first impulse. Luckily I've moved on to my second, which involves dry-heaving, and running like hell.

• Dawn : It's okay. You guys don't have to make a big deal for me. I'm only sleeping over here so Buffy and Riley can boink.
  Xander : No, no, that's not it at all, they just need time to, um, be tender. Relax.



• Dawn : "Alone time" always translates into "get Dawn out of the house so we can have loud obnoxious sex."
  Anya (softly to Xander) : Oh, does that mean we can't?



• Buffy : Every time you show up like this, you risk all of your parts, you know that?
  Spike : I wouldn't be here if I didn't have a good reason. As usual, I'm here to help you, and I— are you naked under there?



• Buffy : And I'm sure he'll come over later looking for a little... Bible study.



• Spike : Sometimes I envy you so much it chokes me. And sometimes I think I got the better deal. To be that close to her and not have her. To be all alone even when you're holding her. Feeling her, feeling her beneath you. Surrounding you. The scent... No, you got the better deal.



• Xander (to Anya) : I've gotta say something, 'cause I don't think I've made it clear. I'm in love with you. Powerfully, painfully in love. The things you do, the way you think, the way you move... I get excited every time I'm about to see you. You make me feel like I've never felt before in my life. Like a man. I just thought you might wanna know.

• Xander : It's like, "Where's Riley? Oh wait, the Central Republic of Where-in-the-hell."



• Buffy : So, um... about being a nun... you know, um, with the whole abjuring the company of men? You know, how's that working for you? The... abjuring?
  Nun : Um... good.
  Buffy : Yeah, do you have to be, like, super-religious?
  Nun : Well, uh...
  Buffy : How's the food?



• Anya : You're going away for a week? That's great!
  Giles : Yes, yes, everybody seems delighted about it.



• Anya : I have finesse! I have finesse coming out of my bottom! I can completely lie to the health inspector! I can, you know, distract him with coy smiles, and bribe him with money and goods!



• Buffy : I killed something in a convent last night.
  Xander : In any other room, a frightening declaration. Here, a welcome distraction.