• Tara : Wh-what's so bad about them coming here? Aren't they good guys? I mean, Watchers, that's just like other Gileses, right?
  Buffy : Yeah, they're scary and horrible!



• Buffy (about Dawn): She was listening!
  Willow : Does it matter? I mean, is she really gonna set the junior high school buzzing with, "Oooh! There's a delegation a-comin'!"



• Glory : Sunnydale's got too many demons and not enough retail outlets.



• Anya : Hey! Giles! What are they doing? Customers! Please... bring your money back!



• Ben : I don't know any Slayer. Get away from me, you shouldn't be here.
  Jinx : Oh I believe you do, sir. She's short, symmetrical, hair on top. Buffy something.



• Nigel : Well, I need to know a little bit more about the Slayer. And about both of you. Your relationship, whatever you can tell me.
  Tara : O-ou-our relationship?
  Willow : We're friends.
  Tara : Good friends.
  Willow : Girlfriends, actually.
  Tara : Yes, we're girlfriends.
  Willow : We're in love. We're... lovers. Lesbian, gay-type lovers.
  Nigel: I meant your relationship with the Slayer.



• Spike : And don't make a lotta noise. Passions is coming on.
  Joyce : Passions? Oh, do you think Timmy's really dead?
  Spike : Oh, no, no. She can just sew him back together. He's a doll, for God's sake.
  Joyce : Ah, what about the wedding? I mean, there's no way they're gonna go through with that.

• Buffy : Glory is evil. And powerful. And in no way prettier than me.



• Anya (as Buffy opens a present): This is extremely suspenseful! I want the presents.
  
  
• Dawn : They were talking about me, just like everybody is.
  Xander : Again, not so much. In fact, none.
  Anya : We were talking about sex. I mean, you know us, sometimes we like to pretend stuff.



• Anya : Oh, it's just so lovely! Ooh, I wish it was mine! Oh, like you weren't all thinking the same thing!



• Spike : You didn't think you could keep the truth from her forever, did you? Maybe if you had been more honest with her in the first place, you wouldn't be trying to make yourself feel better with a round of Kick the Spike.



• Xander : Oh, nothing. No. Just saying... powerful being... big energy gal, diggin' the Xan man. Some guys are just cooler, you know?

• Spike : It's just, we took on that Glory chippy together — I was right there with you, fighting the fight.
  Buffy : Actually, you were sleeping the sleep of the knocked unconscious.



• Harmony (pretending to be Buffy): Ooh, I'm gonna stake you! I'm coming after you, you bad, evil vampire! And I'm gonna slay you! I'm sneaking up, and I'm gonna stake you so much with my slaying powers that I have because I'm the chosen!



• Buffy (about Dawn and Spike): I think she has a crush on him.
  Xander: What?
  Buffy : I mean, I always knew he had this weird fixation with me...
  Xander : I'm the one she had a crush on. Me!
  Buffy : There's nothing here. Let's go.
  Xander : It's always been me! Big, funny Xander! Oh what, she suddenly decides I'm not the cool one anymore? Why's that okay?



• Buffy : What is this? The late-night stakeout, the bogus suspects, the flask! Is this a date?
  Spike : A d— please! A date! You are completely off your bird! I mean— Do you want it to be?



• Harmony : What the heck is this? Who is— Oh wait, I get it. Our little sex game was just the beginning. Now you've gone and picked up some cheap queen of the damned to dress up like your precious Droodzilla. Well, you'd better not be thinking what I think you're thinking, because my answer is the same as always — no threesomes unless it's boy-boy-girl. Or Charlize Theron.



• Spike : No, look at me. I love you. You're all I bloody think about... dream about. You're in my gut... in my throat... I'm drowning in ya Summers, drowning.

• Anya : Anyway, I took the money from working for Giles, and I tripled it.
  Tara : Tripled? Like, first money, then money money money?
  Anya : Yes. I'm thinking about buying something very expensive. Maybe an antelope



• Spike : Thought I was gonna leave town? It's a free country. Free party. If you want me to leave, you can put your hands on my hot, tight little body and make me.



• Buffy : Thank you. Um, I, I just, I-I think you should know that I... I kind of have this bad history in which, you know, we go get coffee, and, well, it all ends with, with you leaving town, and you just got here and everything...
  Ben : Apparently we'd be risking a tragic chain reaction, but... I just really like... coffee. I think coffee might be worth it. And I would like to get to know coffee better.



• Joyce : I left my bra in his car.
  Buffy : Mother!
  Joyce : I'm joking.
  Buffy : Good god, that's horrible. Don't do that.
  Joyce : I left it in the restaurant.



• Giles : Dear god, Buffy, there's only so much I can take. We're going to have to change the system. A fourteen-year-old's too old to be babysat, and it's not fair on her.
  Buffy : What'd she make you do?
  Giles : Um, well, we listened to aggressively cheerful music sung by people chosen for their ability to dance. Then we ate cookie dough, and talked about boys.



• Xander : She's a sex bot. I mean, what guy doesn't dream about that? Beautiful girl with no other thought but to please you, willing to do anything. Too many girls. I miss Oz. He'd get it. He wouldn't say anything, but he'd get it.

• Anya : But I don't understand! I don't understand how this all happens. How we go through this. I mean, I knew her, and then she's, there's just a body, and I don't understand why she just can't get back in it and not be dead anymore! It's stupid! It's mortal and stupid! And, and Xander's crying and not talking, and, and I was having fruit punch, and I thought, well Joyce will never have any more fruit punch, ever, and she'll never have eggs, or yawn or brush her hair, not ever, and no one will explain to me why.



• Tara : Did I miss something?
  Anya : Xander decided that he blames the wall.



• Dawn : I have to pee.
  Buffy : Do you want someone to go with you?
  Dawn : No. I still remember how to pee.

• Willow : I'm gonna stop by my mom's first. Been doing that a lot lately.
  Xander : Yeah. I actually might stop by your mom's too. (She looks at him.) Well, I'm not going to my place. Those people are scary!



• Spike : Joyce was the only one of the lot of you that I could stand!
  Xander : And she's the only one with a daughter you wanted to shag. I'm touched.



• Anya : Well, she got me thinking, about how people die all the time, and... how they get born too, and how you kind of need one so you can have the other. When I think about it that way, it... makes death a little less sad, and... sex a little more exciting.
  Xander : Again I say, huh?
  Anya : Well, I just think I understand sex more now. It's not just about two bodies smooshing together. It's about life. It's about making life.
  Xander : Right, when... two people are much older, and way richer, and far less stupid.
  Anya : Breathe. You're turning colors. I'm not ready to make life with you, but I could. We could. Life could come out of our love and our smooshing, and that's beautiful. (Xander looks relieved.) It all makes me feel like we're a part of something bigger. Like I'm more awake somehow. You know?



• Giles : Oh, well if you like I could teach you how to... work the cash register. You can ring up sales!
  Dawn : Cool.
  Anya : Ring up sales? With the money? She gets to fondle the money?

• Buffybot : I wanna hurt you, but I can't resist the sinister attraction of your cold and muscular body!



• Buffybot : Anya! How is your money?
  Anya : Fine, thank you for asking!



• Buffybot : Spike! It's Spike. And he's wearing a coat.



• Tara : You aren't really gonna slap her, are you?
  Xander : No, but if I have to see her straddle Spike again I will definately knock myself unconscious.



• Buffybot (referring to sex with Spike): It wasn't one time. It was lots of times, and lots of different ways. I can make sketches!



• Buffybot : Angel's lame. His hair goes straight up, and he's bloody stupid!



• Glory (about Spike): What the hell is that, and why is its hair that color?



• Xander : No one is judging you. It's understandable. Spike is strong and mysterious and sort of compact, but well muscled.
  Buffy : I am not having sex with Spike! But I'm starting to think that you might be!

• Ben : Can I just tell you it's not my fault.
  Doctor : Sure. You can also tell me that the dog ate your homework, or, maybe eating Twinkies made you do it, or, maybe, yeah, that there's really a wicked, demonic creature living inside you that takes control of your body and forces you to do its bidding. Take responsibility for your actions, Ben!



• Buffy : What about all the times I asked you how school was and you said "fine"?
  Dawn : Well, it was. (quietly) You didn't ask if I was in it when it was fine.



• Slook : No words shall pass my lips that would bring peril to Glorificus.
  Giles (to Anya & Willow): Girls, get the twine that's on the counter. Let's tie him up.
  Slook : Aah! Don't! I'll tell you anything! Please! Whatever you want!



• Xander (about the hospital): Man, words cannot express how much I hate this place.
  Giles : It's dreadful.
  Anya : It's like communism.



• Willow : I don't think I can sleep without her.
  Anya >: You can sleep with me! Well, now, that came out a lot more lesbian than it sounded in my head.



• Spike : You - so you're saying that a powerful and mightily pissed-off witch... was plannin' on going and spillin' herself a few pints of god blood until you, what, 'explained'?
  Buffy : You think she'd... no. I told Willow it would be like suicide.
  Spike : I'd do it. Right person. Person I loved. I'd do it.

• Buffy : A truck hit her.
  Anya : You threw it at her?
  Dawn : Well, no. She more kind of waited for it to hit Glory. Uh, but then Buffy ran really fast and we got away.



• Anya : We should drop a piano on her. Well, it always works for that creepy cartoon rabbit when he's running from that nice man with the speech impediment.
  Giles : Yes, or perhaps we could paint a convincing tunnel on the side of a mountain. Let's just keep thinking, everyone.



• Spike : We'd already be somewhere if Captain Slowpoke would give up the wheel. Hey! Gramps! Bloody step on it!
  Giles : Step on what? I've driven tricycles with more power.



• Xander : Would you give it a rest, or...
  Spike : Or what, you're gonna toss your cookies on my shoes?



• Dawn : Destroyer of the universe. I guess cutting school doesn't seem so bad now, huh?

• Spike : Ben! Glory! He's a doctor, she's the beast. Two entirely separate entities sharing one body. Like a bloody sitcom.



• Ben : Do you ever stop talking? I don't know which is worse, waking up in a dress not knowing where I've been, or having to hear all your self-involved ranting!



• Willow : Hey. I know you. You're the first original Slayer who tried killing us all in our dreams... How've you been?



• Xander : Wait - Ben? At Glory's? You're saying that all this time he was sub-letting from her?

• Buffy : How about, 'Oh god, my leg, my leg'?
  Vampire : Oh god! My leg! Uhh...
  Buffy : See? Now we're communicating.



• Buffy : I'm sorry. I love you all... but I'm sorry.
  Spike : Uh... when you say you love us all...
  Xander/Giles : Shut up.



• Buffy : This is how many apocalypses for us now?
  Giles : Oh, uh, well... six, at least.



• Anya : Maybe Willow wanted it.
  Xander : I don't think Willow feels that way about, about Buffy. I mean, I know she's gone through a lot of changes, but-
  Anya : To study it.



• Xander : I'm also a swell bowler.
  Anya : Has his own shoes.



• Glory : Hey, wow, the Slayer's a robot. Did everybody else know the Slayer was a robot?
  Buffy : Glory? You're not the brightest god in the heavens, are you?



• Buffy : Dawn, listen to me. Listen. I love you. I will always love you. But this is the work that I have to do. Tell Giles... tell Giles I figured it out. And, and I'm okay. And give my love to my friends. You have to take care of them now. You have to take care of each other. You have to be strong. Dawn, the hardest thing in this world... is to live in it. Be brave. Live. For me.